(no subject)

I had this conversation with Ryan on the phone the other night, as we talked we drank, at least I know I did, he told me he was having some red wine, but for some people having some red wine is just having a glass as opposed to a bottle. Well, regardless, I was drunk by the end of the conversation which landed on the subject of our mortality. And Ryan put it best by saying, "I'm gonna die and you're gonna die, so fuck it!" A sentiment so nice he said it twice.
This is not only an argument that backs up some of my bad habits (drinking, smoking, puppy killing) but is also a philosophy that gives way to personal peace and contentment in emotion and interactions with others. For a while I was employing a life philosophy where everything was and is designed by science but I found it to be too devoid of meaning and is not nearly as fun to say as, "I'm gonna die and you're gonna die, so fuck it!"
In several months I am going to Ireland, which is the motherland. I can only hope to imagine the drunken bliss in which I investigate the land of my ancestors, and can only imagine the hellish hangovers in which I try to figure out where to stay and how little money I can spend.
Everything else is barely the same except I can say now, I fully appreciate Leonard Cohen, where I never had before, and that my previous aversion to red wine, that being that I would laugh uncontrollably, cry uncontrollably, and then vomit, all within fifteen minutes. I can avoid these side effects as long as I don't finish the whole bottle.

Furthermore, what up Sarah S? How is the basement of the co-op? Cozy, I hope.

(no subject)

2007 is funny so far, not funny haha. Just like stinky funny.
Of my seventy (I didn't get as far in the list as I wanted) resolutions, I've learned how to roll joints, read the Great Gatsby (again), and cut down on calling Cara gay by about seventy percent. Anyway, I've decided that since Justin Timberlake brought sexy back last year, I'm going to bring being poor back in 2007.
Can't afford what you want? It's cool lacking things is totally in this year! You sick with no health insurace? Well look on the bright side, all your friends will wonder how you lost so much weight and why you are looking so hot in 2007! Being poor-totally in.
At least that's what my bank account tells me.

From the bottom of my bitter, better, celibate, and obsessive compulsive heart--Merry Christmas

So, it's christmastime. I have never been a fan of Christmastime so I usually spend the two weeks leading up to it and the week after being as drunk as possible. I'm not drunk now.
But I was last night for the up to four hours that my family sets aside for celebrating this holiday. And after that four hours I continued to drink with my brother and sister until all the pabst was gone, until it was two in the morning, then three in the morning, then four in the morning, at which point the conversation took a dramatic turn and turned into a theological and political fight. Go Christmas!
It's true that there are certain words in the English language that make me angry. I mean, you've got your moist, girth, and panties, which make me cringe inside. But then you've got your race, class, oil, which make insane with rage. I think Sarah kept telling me to take things "two decibels down" but I couldn't really hear here over my own voice which was yelling at my brother, "Are you insane?!"
To be fair he also said that North Koreans eat dogs AND human beings.
Go Christmas!
At the very least I got to sleep in the same room as my brother and sister who were both as drunk on cheap beer as I was. That had never happened before and realizing that as I fell asleep made my bitter little heart grow up just a little bit to think, "I'm only going to get one brother and sister in my life, I better fucking love them. They're what I've got."

My New Year's Resolution is to be a better person. I will accomplish it by completing a list of 400-500 things. I like to shoot big with number's but small with goals. Some things that will make me a better person: learn how to roll joints, learn how to uncork a bottle of wine with out giving up and just stabbing the cork into the bottle with a large knife, stop sneering at the elderly.

My year is almost over, not just 2006 but my year of relative celibacy. I say relative because, well that's personal. Regardless, I started off on this boring and completely uninteresting journey because I had felt like I had lost self-respect and respect for the people who I was sleeping with. I told Cara that I was really looking forward to slutting it up this March and piddling away all that hard and frustratingly earned self respect.
The next step in the plan is to become a born-again virgin. I'm going to have myself sewed up so that I will truly be a virgin for my future husband. Talk about self-respect, man, what could be better.

And finally, my sister in her ceaseless generosity and lack of empathy for my friends, is giving me Animal Crossing for the DS. Goodbye friends, if you want to see me you should buy a DS so you can stop by my town: K$rulz!

the baby high is the best

J is now six months old. He can smile and say mama. M fed him gerber processed banana baby gunk. I realize that this stuff is for baby consumption but after watching his face contort and look frustrated after the first bite I had to try it. It was based upon that same instinct that makes people try something when someone says, "Oh my god! This is the most disgusting thing I've ever had! I think my guts are turning inside out, dude you have to try it!!!" I think that the gerber company may have some sort of cruel inhumane banana factory farm, where the banana's live in tiny cages and are fed genetically modified corn and have to shit into something that runs directly into their water line. I'm not sure but maybe some of you PETA-types should look into it. Because, man, that shit is gross.
After lunch J was lying on the ground arms and legs spread out. M was trying to entice him to crawl but J, well, he can't crawl yet. So he just lied there, maybe hoping that he would suddenly burst into flight and the Superman like pose would be worth it.
We went to the park and I made M and J pose for pictures in some trees that were changing colors, where the sun was filtering through the leaves, and the steps they were standing on were old and unused. M says to me, "What are you, Aunt Katy?" And I say, "Fuck yes I am Aunt Katy now look cute goddammit! And J you better smile!"

Being Aunt Katy really makes me happy.

I held J on a park bench while M snapped pictures. Now like everyone I am a little vain and can get a little pose-y when I am being photographed but with J there is no time. Because if I am trying to make sure my hair is right or that my face is right, then I am not doing my job which is to make J happy. So in every picture I am blowing raspberries on his cheek.

It still kills me a little every time I have to say goodbye to M and J. I hug M and tell her I love her and to call me all the time. I tell her to take care of herself. I kiss J. I tell him I love him and that I will miss him so much but I promise I will be back soon because I am his Aunt Katy and someone has to make his mom laugh and blow raspberries onto his cheek.

Whatcha you know about that?

So we got these buttons at work that are like than ....
For instance

meaning odd duck. This was the button I took from work originally. Then I thought about it for a while and I was like, "Shit. I've been an odd duck my whole fucking life. When have I ever been a heart breaker?" So now heart breaker.

How's this for heart breaking? I'm on break from work for about two hours, while Cara is working so hard and I am updating my livejournal on her computer AND my civilization is so much better than hers.
boohoohoo cara.

So for this whole college thing I have a mentor. Her name is Peggy and she gave me a book called Mastering the SATs. She does not know about this new fuck the SATs--let's go liberal! plan. I am trying to think of the best way to tell her. Here is what I have so far...
"Peggy, do you honestly think I can go seven hours without having a cigarette?"
"Peggy, I was thinking. Maybe instead of taking the SATs I can just burn down the high schools. That's what Dead Prez told me to do and they are revolutionary but gangsta."
"Peggy, ANARCHY NOW!" at which point I will hit her and then run away.

Recently I decided that my days would be better if they were themed. Unfortunately the only theme I could think of was "Take a shit, make a wish" day. And that was Friday. If you have any similarily brilliant themes post them for me and I will steal them and act like they were my idea and take all the credit for being so clever and funny.


(no subject)

Hello, livejournal.
Okay, first of all my online identity has been deleted and at first I suspected that the man is behind this, but really I guess it's just the fact that I am slowly becoming a hermit. In order to force myself out of this I am updating livejournal. So...
A note about the becoming a hermit thing, even though I feel really smart now because I've been reading lots of books about politics and socially inequality and the man and so on and so on, none of that is going to do me any good if I cannot actually force myself to talk to people who either a) don't live in my house or b)don't work with me. I mean really, what good is it to know a bunch of stuff if you don't get to impress strangers with your intelligence. I am, of course, being sarcastic.

I am going through the process of going back to college and with my goals of school stated as, "anywhere, ANYWHERE, that is not in Michigan," it's a little difficult to narrow things down and figure out where I actually have a chance at getting in. Especially considering my poor high school gpa and my lack of sat scores. This is why the first places I apply will be the most hippy schools in the United States. You know, where people don't believe in grade or standardized tests.

I can still take the SATs. I am twenty-three years old. The only place (and I repeat only because I actually looked it up to be sure)is Pioneer high school. Which means I would be taking a standardized test at a high school.

At this point in my life only a flesh eating virus causes me more anxiety than taking a standardized test at a high school, with high schoolers. And what do I do to take care of anxiety. I smoke cigarettes. And what can't I do on public school grounds. That's right, bitches, smoke a cigarette. Hours and hours of testing and no smoking. Bummer.

Please god, let me get into a liberal new-agey do-goodery, I promise I will erect several churches (that's new slang for smoke weed) in your honor.

Other than the process of going back to school, I find my free time split evenly between reading, watching documentaries, and writing stories that are, as of yet, not doing anything but sitting around. The rest of my time I am at the Market where I work and work and work. All the time.
Oh yeah and I've recently devoted a very large chunk of time to reading to retarded children. And by reading to retarded children I do mean watching the entire second season of lost.
It was awesome.

(no subject)

So last Tuesday I went to the bar with four of my best friends. At first we were just drinking champagne and toasting things like, "bitches and weed" and "unicorns." Anyway, somehow it turned into a slam fest. And here is what I mean by that, we took turns calling each other out on our shit, telling each other what the fuck was wrong with us. With a few stinging exceptions my criticisms were sort of complimentary. For instance, "You worry about your friends too much." So, yeah...that's k$$$, big fucking deal.
So I'm working at the co-op listening to the new Umberto cd because I have connections like that. And maybe you know this and maybe you didn't but probably the only kind hearted song ever written about me is on the new album, anyway it's really awkward to have someone walk into the office you're in while you're singing a song about how great you are and how you like to drink beer, smoke weed, and play katamari damacy.

Livejournal, you make me feel so awkward!

(no subject)

I went camping this last weekend which was so much fun. I was away from Ann Arbor for four days and it felt really fucking good.
And now I'm back to the real world which is no where near as fun because I don't get to smoke seven joints a day or have people bring me beer because I'm too busy boiling the skin off my shoulders with the sun.
And I have to work.
I am going to blow up the sun and make everyone pay.